Speaking of General Tso’s chicken, I made up a story a while back about its origins.

During the Long March, the weary and hungry Red Chinese soldiers grew tired of eating spoiled rice. They were beginning to lose their determination. “Cheer up!” said their cheerful general, General Tso. “Soon we will achieve a glorious proletarian victory. We might even have a little bit of fresh chicken for dinner!”

“Hurrah for General Tso!” cheered his men.

Weeks went by and the soldiers grew hungrier and hungrier. Now all that was left to eat were lichens and mosses.

“Cheer up!” said General Tso. ”Soon we will achieve a glorious proletarian victory and there will be two chickens in every pot!”

“Hurrah for General Tso!” cheered his men.

When the Red Chinese soldiers reached Yan’an, there weren’t even mosses and lichens left to eat.

“Cheer up!” said General Tso. ”Soon we will achieve a glorious proletariat victory and there will be enough succulent fried chicken with a sweet, vinegary red sauce for all the workers!”

The next day, Chairman Mao found some of his Red Chinese soldiers eating steaming bowls of tasty morsels made with a sweet and vinegary red sauce.

“I’m looking for General Tso.” asked Chairman Mao. “Where is he?”

The soldiers each raised a chopstick with a piece of succulent meat. ”Hurrah for General Tso!” they cheered before taking a bite.

“Hurrah, comrades!” said Chairman Mao. “But where is General Tso?”

The soldiers raised their bowls and cheered again, “Hurrah for General Tso!”

“Hurrah, comrades,” said Chairman Mao, becoming annoyed. He was tired from a long day of giving syphilis to teenaged girls. “Now where is that confounded General Tso?”

“You must be hungry, Comrade Mao,” said a captain, offering the chairman a bowl and a pair of chopsticks. “Have some of ‘General Tso’s Chicken.’”

“Oh, all right,” said Chairman Mao. He was quite hungry and took a bite. “My goodness,” he said, “This is delicious. I taste apricot, ginger, garlic, and vinegar. But where did you get chicken? We haven’t eaten fresh meat in months.”

“It’s ‘General Tso’s Chicken’, Comrade Mao,” the captain said with a wink. “The secret ingredient is… General Tso.”

“Hurrah for General Tso!” cheered the Red Chinese soldiers.